This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care. Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds. Some of these same things can happen to the other person in the process.
Fulfill your promises.
- Firstly, it allows the person in recovery to separate themselves from the disease of addiction, recognizing that their past actions were not a reflection of their actual values and character.
- Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction.
- We talked about the complicated processes of self-forgiveness and self-compassion.
- If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation.
Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when https://ecosoberhouse.com/ things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances?
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Instead, you may need to engage in a dialogue with them over time. This may involve attending family therapy or individual therapy. You will need to demonstrate that you are committed to rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship with them.
- Whatever the situation, there are a few ways to get started in the process of repairing wrongs with the people you most care about.
- Then we make space for other people to hurt and heal—not just now, but into the foreseeable future.
- We may want our children and families to love, accept and forgive us, but we shouldn’t confuse our wants with our needs.
- This makes the script a powerful tool for managing things in a structured, thoughtful, and sensitive manner.
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Similarly, making living amends means you completely change the way you live and remain committed to that lifestyle. Making direct amends to those harmed is the focal point of the Ninth step in the 12-step process. This step goes beyond verbal apologies – it requires a demonstration of changed behaviors and a commitment to correcting past wrongs. It’s an integral challenge that necessitates confronting personal feelings of shame, pride, or entitlement.
Don’t Hold Back—It’s Too Easy to Get Out of This Step
When you make amends, you acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions that have hurt others. They take different forms, including direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them.
Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends
Monarch Shores offers luxury housing with beautiful ocean views and individualized addiction treatment in Southern California. To learn more about addiction recovery, including AA, reach out to Silver Mist Recovery. Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. Apologizing in this way may open the door to continued healing, growth, and restored relationships in recovery.
He’s a teenager, so I try to let him function at that age level. When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t living amends lecture or offer solutions. I let him decide if he wants to do laundry at midnight or wear dirty clothes.
At the heart of this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends. Then we make space for other people to hurt and heal—not just now, but into the foreseeable future. If we are honest and sincere about our amends, then we will not repeat those mistakes, and we will not rush people to forgiveness.
- In doing so, you promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most.
- However, making an effort to repair relationships will benefit you and your loved ones in the long run.
- If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9.
- I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions.
- Next, your amends script should also encompass the expression of heartfelt regret.
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This is when you ask a sponsor, recovery coach, or similar support person how to proceed. You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time. However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps. Each person’s experience of addiction and recovery is unique.